The End of Sorrow...

Much of my life has been spent in sorrow.

Only recently have I come to better understand the reason I feel the way I do, and understand that sorrow is an unnecessary burden.

Let me explain...

I have always felt an internal loneliness. I can remember, when I was very young, thinking that it is truly unfortunate that you couldn't see through the eyes of others. As an adult I think about why a young person would want that ability. Only recently did it become apparent that I wanted that ability so I could change myself. I wanted to understand what others saw so that I could become what they wanted me to be. I now understand that I was trying to find love and acceptance from others. What I have come to realize is that these are things that come from within.

There are adages, that while trite, convey old truths. Plato said "know thyself". I'm pretty sure that it was my mother who said that you need to love yourself before expecting anyone else to love you. Both of these concepts have the same core. That you must first understand yourself, and in doing so, you open yourself to knowing others.

Recently, a relationship that I held very dear foundered. I became overwhelmed with sorrow at the loss. As I struggled to control my sorrow, I found the philosophy of Buddhism.The timing was perfect, because in my sorrow I was ready to start thinking differently.

What I began to understand is that my sorrow was suffering, and the the suffering was derived from the impermanence of life. I was trying to hold on to all of the experiences of that relationship as if they were more than just memories. I wanted to own the past, and manipulate the future in such a way that things would never change.

In a way, impermanence is obvious. It's part of daily life. Everything moves from the present to the past. Obviously, I can't eat the sandwich that I ate yesterday. On that level impermanence is universally accepted. However, when it comes to people, and love and relationships, impermanence is more difficult to accept.

I wish I had the wisdom to explain why impermanence in relationships is so difficult to navigate. I can only speculate that the greater the perceived value the more difficult the disconnect. With love there is a surrender of self, and acceptance of connection. When the connection weakens or breaks then the instinct is to search for answers. The acceptance of impermanence is the only real answer.

Appreciate the past for all of the joy it brought, and don't surrender yourself to the sorrow of impermanence.

I hope that the in the future I do better in being present in my relationships. I don't want to get stuck searching for yesterdays joy. I want to make new memories, but even more, I want my friends and loved ones to stay with me because I offer a happy future. The only way that is possible is to accept the past, live in the present and not worry for the future.

Peace my friend. Thanks for being.

The Road I've Traveled...

I often think of the poem The Road Not Taken - by Robert Frost.

    "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—,
    I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference."

That might be my favorite bit of poetry.

Sadly, it doesn't describe many of my choices in life.

I've always thought about taking the path less traveled. I've stood at the divergence in the road, and looked down both paths.

The well traveled path had predictable outcomes. I would have the security of knowing that because the decision to take this path was made before, success on the path was likely. Unlike the less traveled path, the well traveled path was supported, well advertised, and recommended by nearly everyone. The well traveled path was the obvious choice to make, and was in keeping with the sound judgement of so many that passed here before.

The less traveled path lacked predictability but offered experiences that couldn't be had on the more traveled path. On the less traveled path it would be impossible to know where it would lead, and how difficult the travel might be. Choosing this path would have risk, and the possibility or even probability of failure. Making the choice to follow that path would show questionable judgement and be frowned upon by everyone.

Too often in my life the path less traveled remained so.

Almost imperceptibly as the choices of which path to take are made, taking the less traveled path becomes increasingly difficult. The well traveled path, and the security it seems to offer, reinforces every previous decision. I've come this far in the comfort and security that was afforded by this path, your inner voice counsels. Look at how wise we have been to follow in the safe footfalls of others.

Lately I have found myself on the path, standing, pondering at that fork in the road.

• I am successful, but not wildly so.
• I have many things, but I am unsatisfied because having them just makes me want more.
• I have, and have had, great love. Yet I often feel alone and unwanted.

The well traveled path has a lie at its core. The lie is that the well traveled path leads to fulfillment. The truth is that the well traveled path leads to the illusion of fulfillment. How can you ever really know yourself if you only walk in the path of others?

Choosing the path less traveled is certainly fraught with the danger of failure. What it gives in return for that risk is the opportunity to know not just the path, but to truly know ourselves.

I hope to override my instincts and choose the less traveled path more often. I hope that I can start to appreciate the beauty of making my own path before it ceases to be an option.

Peace my friend. Thanks for being.

About Me...

Welcome friend.

Let me start this by thanking you for being here. If you are reading this you have either been invited to do so, or you have arrived through some random chance. However it is that you wound up here, I am glad to have you.

A little about me to get things started...

I am a man of "the middle". I am a man of middle age, who is a middle child, considered middle class, who lives in the middle of my country. I'm not using middle as a denigration of who I am. I'm not saying average. I'm saying equally distant from the extreme opposites.

While middle describes me in many ways, it also fails in others. Certain aspects of my life fall to the middle, but others touch the edges. There are those things that I am exceptionally good at, and those for which I have no perceptible skill or talent. Perhaps this is the case with everyone.

Recently, as I struggled mightily with personal issues and was in despair about my circumstances, I came to find a middle that resonated with me. That middle was the middle way described in Buddhist philosophy.

What I came to realize was that the middle could be a good place.

What I hope to be able to bring to this space in the future is my story. The story of my life as I strive to walk the middle path.

I hope that you will visit again. Until then...

Peace my friend. Thanks for being.