What if...

What if I had known earlier in life what I know now? What might have been different?

How much of my life has been wasted on things that were out of my control? Mark Twain said "Worrying is like paying a debt that you don't owe.". I have paid too many of those debts in my life.

I spent the night last night wrestling with insomnia. It happens occasionally. My mind will latch on to something and run through scenarios. I'm an analytical person, and what serves me during the day can be a nuisance when I am attempting to quiet my thoughts.

This wasn't the insomnia that I might have had a year ago. That was the kind of insomnia that keeps you staring at the clock all night, awake and laser focused on something that had my mind trapped in an endless loop. This insomnia was different. Last night I found myself awake and asleep in a cycle every few hours. Never awake more than about 15 minutes. When the issue came back into my mind I quelled it with the thought that it was out of my control and that I couldn't change how the future might play out.

The change from worry to acceptance is a sea change in my philosophy.

As I lay in bed, awake and again focused on the issue, I calmly told myself that there was nothing I could do. I assured myself that obsessing about it wouldn't help. Once the focus changes from the issue to the behavior, it becomes apparent that there is a solution.

I hope that the ability to move the focus away from the problem to the behavior is on that I can continue to develop and master. I look forward to the day when I no longer lay awake and obsess about things that are outside my control. I will continue to practice, and hopefully master the process.

Peace my friend. Thanks for being.